im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
