Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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