I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
