Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
