She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
