i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
