Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Welp...herpes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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