do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
