Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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