Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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