Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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