ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
