I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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