I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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