Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
