I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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