i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
