Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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