I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
