Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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