I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
