My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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