...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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