Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
