Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
