I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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