I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize