her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
