You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
