my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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