I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
