Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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