If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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