This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
