Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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