you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
