worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
