He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
