At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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