Do you still have your period?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
