After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
