Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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