Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
