i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
