i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
