His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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