I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
