Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
