She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
