Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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