i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i permit you to call me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
