Can i not drive my cunt home
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
