ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
