i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
