i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
