I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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