Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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