Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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