That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
