wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
