My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
