Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
