I need help removing her.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
