I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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