He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I pour the whiskey from now on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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