The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
