I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
