Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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