Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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